Inside a home on a quiet street in southern New Hampshire, a mom scrubs at dirty fingerprints, food stains and some dog hair on a wall she鈥檚 preparing to paint.
It鈥檚 one of many projects underway, so the family can sell the home next month if New Hampshire lawmakers approve advancing through each chamber.
No one in the family wants to move. Rosie and her husband, Ian, grew up in New Hampshire. Their parents and immediate family live here. The house is on a quiet street with other children for their three kids to play with. There鈥檚 a good size yard for chickens, trees just right for climbing and a small creek.
鈥淲e鈥檇 prefer if New Hampshire stayed a safe place for our family,鈥� said Rosie. 鈥淚 go between being bummed and depressed about it, and being really pissed off that people don鈥檛 seem to understand 鈥� these things have real life consequences.鈥�
could make it a felony to provide Rosie and Ian鈥檚 middle child, Emily, the medication they take to delay the start of male puberty. WBUR agreed not to publish the family鈥檚 last name because of the legal risks they could face if this legislation takes effect.
Another would let businesses, schools and government agencies require that 8-year-old Emily, who has long blue, or sometimes green, hair and a love of purple clothing with rainbows, use a men鈥檚 bathroom. The bills passed the New Hampshire House and are pending in the Senate.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 worth living here under that threat,鈥� said Rosie, 鈥渟o our hands are tied.鈥�
More than have already enacted laws that ban or limit prescriptions for drugs that pause puberty and the hormone therapy given to teenagers who want to transition from male to female or female to male. A Trump administration released early this month is the latest effort to press for that ban nationwide. It says psychotherapy not medications should be the main treatment for anyone under age 19 who identifies as transgender or nonbinary.
The report followed an executive that said the U.S. would stop funding 鈥渢hese destructive and life-altering procedures.鈥� A judge has that order, but in the meantime, some clinics have already stopped offering what鈥檚 known as gender-affirming care for youth.
Emily鈥檚 family, and many like them, are disturbed to find themselves at the center of fierce cultural and political debates.
鈥淚t鈥檚 just so weird to make really personal decisions in this political climate,鈥� Rosie said. 鈥淲e鈥檙e constantly having to prove to the world that being transgender is real, that it鈥檚 not something I鈥檓 making up, that my kid has a right to exist.鈥�
About Emily
Emily loves to read, rollerblade, ride a bike, practice the piano and play video games. Some days the passion might be drawing, tumbling, shooting nerf guns, or cuddling with the family guinea pigs or dogs. Emily says they don鈥檛 feel like a boy or a girl. 鈥淭hey鈥� is Emily鈥檚 preferred pronoun.
鈥淏ecause it means I can be myself,鈥� Emily said. 鈥淚 can do what I need to do to let me be me.鈥�
Sometimes Emily鈥檚 friends mess up, but they don鈥檛 mind.
鈥淚 let my friends call me boy or girl because, like, I know they know who I am,鈥� Emily said.
Emily was born with a rare brain disorder called apraxia of speech that made it hard to express thoughts out loud. A speech therapist helped Emily learn to send the right signals to their muscles, lips and tongue. Most people couldn鈥檛 understand what they were saying until Emily was about 4 陆. Among Emily鈥檚 first requests: a dress.
Rosie, a mental health counselor, and Ian, who works in construction, added dresses to Emily鈥檚 wardrobe and books about kids who weren鈥檛 specifically a girl or a boy to the family library.
Emily remembers asking at bedtime one night to hear more about being trans. Emily was 5 at the time.
鈥淎 few days later, I said, 鈥楳om, can I be trans?鈥� 鈥� recounted Emily in a recent interview with Rosie and Ian on the family couch. As they remembered those early days, Emily lay draped over first one parent鈥檚 lap, then the other鈥檚.
Rosie has worked with transgender adults. But she had no idea what being transgender would mean for her child.
鈥淭hey were telling us that there鈥檚 more,鈥� Rosie said, pausing to consider what there was more to.
鈥淭o me?鈥� Emily offered.
鈥淵eah, that there鈥檚 more to you. I like that,鈥� said Rosie. 鈥淲e felt a little out of our league though. I didn鈥檛 know what we should be doing and what we shouldn鈥檛 be doing.鈥�
鈥淏ut you supported me,鈥� Emily interrupted.
鈥淲e always try and support you,鈥� Rosie said, patting Emily鈥檚 leg.
Supporting Emily, and making sure they are safe and feel loved, have become touchstones for Rosie and Ian even as doing so has become more confusing, frustrating and scary.
Emily鈥檚 question 鈥� 鈥淐an I be trans?鈥� 鈥� came as a growing number of Republican-controlled state legislatures were finding ways to answer, 鈥淣o.鈥� It came as gender clinics for children were becoming , and as President Trump was pledging to dismantle the 鈥渨oke agenda,鈥� including transgender rights.
Ian was hesitant himself, at first, about calling his child transgender.
鈥淚 felt it was kind of young,鈥� Ian said. 鈥淏ut through research and just being around it, I figured out that you just feel the way you feel, like how I felt straight. You just feel it at an early age.鈥�
Ian is angry at politicians for 鈥渆nergizing people to hate people they鈥檝e never met and don鈥檛 understand.鈥� He tries not to ruminate on ways that hate could be turned against his child.
鈥淚 feel pretty fearful of the harm and emotional damage to them if they meet the wrong person on a bad day,鈥� Ian said. 鈥淏ut if Emily is happy and safe and feels welcome, then dealing with the politics will all be worth it.鈥�
At age 6, Emily started seeing a therapist in New Hampshire who had some experience with transgender children, and going to a gender clinic for children in Boston. The next year, Emily and Rosie spent a week at a summer camp for trans kids and their families. The family joined a group of families with nonbinary kids to trade information and arrange playdates.
Rosie watched Emily grow into a child more confident, playful and at peace with themselves. But she knew puberty wasn鈥檛 far off. Emily鈥檚 older brother began showing signs at 9. Emily was clear, they did not want to be hairy like Ian or have a deep voice.
If Emily started developing as male, Rosie worried that 鈥渢hey would be constantly at war with their body.鈥�
A doctor at the gender clinic said the first step to avoid that war for Emily would be to put puberty on hold. Rosie expected to map out a plan for doing that before Emily turned 9 this June. Then Trump won the election and their plans changed.
Starting puberty blockers
Emily, Rosie and Pearl, one of the family guinea pigs, headed to the clinic in Boston the Friday before Trump began his second term.
鈥淚 think we got the last appointment before the inauguration,鈥� Rosie said.
Trump signed his to enact a ban on gender-affirming care for children eight days after he was sworn in. The ban hasn鈥檛 taken effect amid a court challenge.
Given the political climate, the family said they made the right decision starting Emily on puberty blockers some months earlier than expected. But it鈥檚 not what they wished. Rosie and Ian wanted to choose the best time with their doctor.
鈥淭he biggest bummer was being forced to do it then, instead of waiting,鈥� Ian said.
The World Professional Association for Transgender Health pausing puberty after it has started for children who feel intense discomfort with their changing body. Rosie said the benefit of starting Emily while they were still sure they could outweighed any risk because Emily has consistently said they want to look like Rosie, not Ian, when they grow up.
鈥淢y kid is very indecisive around everything else in their life,鈥� said Rosie. 鈥淪o for them to have this be so consistent is 鈥� that鈥檚 all I need to know.鈥�
On the inside of Emily鈥檚 upper left arm, a 1-inch implant slowly releases the puberty suppression medication. The effects are reversible in that puberty will resume when the implant is removed or the medicine runs out. The (AAP) says delaying puberty gives children time to explore their identity, get counseling, develop coping skills and learn about future treatment options.
Some shows that transgender children who received puberty blockers are less anxious and depressed than trans kids who don鈥檛. Other find little impact. The blocker may pose risks for developing bones and fertility.
Many doctors who treat transgender children say bone density catches up when patients resume puberty, as does sperm or egg development if the child continues puberty in their sex determined at birth. If they transition to the opposite sex, they may have fertility problems later in life. That decision is four or five years away for Emily.
鈥淚 think about those risks a little bit, but it feels pretty far off,鈥� said Ian. He shrugs and adds the family is, 鈥渏ust trying to get through鈥� the challenges right in front of them.
For the first step of suppressing puberty, published research on the long term effects for bone health and fertility is 鈥渓imited鈥� and 鈥渧aried,鈥� according to the AAP. The group the use of puberty blockers to treat children with gender dysphoria as does the nation鈥檚 largest group of physicians, the American Medical Association. But the and some other countries have concluded the risks outweigh the benefits and have largely banned their use. The Trump administration points to those decisions as evidence the U.S. should do the same.
Some parents of transgender kids struggle to make sense of competing research and reports in this fraught environment.
鈥淚t鈥檚 a new science, which scares me a bit,鈥� Ian said. 鈥淏ut the puberty blockers are reversible if Emily changes their mind. So I have comfort in that.鈥�
If Emily does not change their mind, the implant will need to be replaced every year or two until Emily is ready to begin puberty as a girl or as a boy.
Rosie and Ian hear all kinds of pronouncements about how to raise a transgender child, ranging from 鈥渏ust follow their lead,鈥� to 鈥渃hildren aren鈥檛 mature enough to make such life-altering decisions.鈥�
鈥淭here鈥檚 a lot of things I don鈥檛 follow my kid鈥檚 lead on, like if I let them follow their lead on cleaning their rooms, we wouldn鈥檛 get very far,鈥� Rosie said with a laugh. 鈥淏ut I鈥檝e learned that there鈥檚 a lot of things that our kids actually do really know that I can鈥檛 know. And so, I have to trust them.鈥�
In a holding pattern
Rosie needs to finish painting the stairwell a misty, hide-the-dirt, gray. Ian is replastering walls in the basement. Rosie has a spreadsheet of seven cities and towns in northern Massachusetts where the schools seem good, the communities seem welcoming for a trans kid and where they think they could afford a home. Rosie is collecting guidance through webinars and from other parents of transgender children about how to have the 鈥渨e鈥檙e moving鈥� conversations with her three kids.
The kids have lots of questions. Will the new yard have a treehouse? Will we have to share a room? What school will we go to?
Emily has come crying about a move, worried their brother and sister will be mad and blame Emily. Rosie told Emily the blame will be on state lawmakers in Concord who are afraid of things they don鈥檛 understand.
Ian and Rosie have assured the kids they鈥檒l have a family meeting before making any final decisions. The New Hampshire Legislature wraps up business for the year by the end of June.
Even if they move states, there鈥檚 no guarantee transgender care will continue to be available for Emily. State health leaders in Massachusetts have pledged to maintain access for kids. But the president鈥檚 deputy chief of staff, Stephen Miller, gender medications and surgery for minors as 鈥渂arbaric鈥� and 鈥渃hild abuse鈥� earlier this month, confirming the White House鈥檚 commitment to curtail if not end it.
Plan B is Thailand. Rosie can work remotely. Ian has trade skills that might be useful there. And it鈥檚 a longtime seeking care.
鈥淚 have to plan for the worst so that I can stay and continue to fight,鈥� Rosie said, with a nervous laugh. And Rosie feels sure of what she鈥檚 fighting for.
鈥淚 want to make sure that Emily knows they are loved, no matter what,鈥� Rosie said, standing in her driveway one afternoon, watching the kids ride bikes. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not their name, it鈥檚 not the clothes they wear, it鈥檚 not the way they cut their hair, it鈥檚 who they are, in their heart.鈥�
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